Ebb and Flow

Life changes fast.
Life changes in the instant.
You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.

These are the first three lines in the book I've just begun: The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. I was immediately drawn to the title. It defines my journey of the past ten months...

It's funny that dinner was mentioned. Last night I made something new. I never cared for cube steak as a kid but I discovered that paprika can do wonders. I peeled, cooked and mashed 5 pounds of potatoes (can you say starch?), whipped up some homemade country gravy, and added some green beans with bacon for good measure. The meal went over well ~ for the 'others'. I, on the other hand, chose for myself a different version of supper. It's amazing how filling a handful of Kashi's Organic Cinnamon Harvest shredded wheat bites and a tall glass of ice water can fill you up when you want it to. Then there was dessert: a folic acid pill. I'm living an exciting life these days.

Seriously, though, dinnertime seemed to be last night's turning point. I heard from a friend I've been missing for far too long. What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

I also enjoyed exchanges with friends from the Cape. I am so looking forward to that sunset walk on the beach. 104 days...but who's counting?

And I must confess. I did something you are never supposed to do. I glanced at the last page of the book...right after reading the opening lines. The message means something to me already, without even reading the words in-between.

I think about swimming with him into the cave at Portuguese Bend, about the swell of clear water, the way it changed, the swiftness and power it gained as it narrowed through the rocks at the base of the point. The tide had to be just right...You had to feel the swell change. You had to go with the change. He told me that.

* * * *

I am watching your chest rise and fall

like the tides of my life

and the rest of it all

and your bones have been my bedframe

and your flesh has been my pillow

I am waiting for sleep

to offer up the deep

with both hands.

~Ani Difranco

My Happilist

i.am.sanders

Gratitude is the heart's memory. ~French proverb

Nos. 168 ~250

photo essay, historic properties, included

• water fights
• patience
• hospitality
• the silence of snowfall
• digging for sand dollars with your toes very early in the morning at the beach
• making words with alphabet soup
• lilacs in bloom ~ always too briefly
• when young children suddenly "get it" and begin to read
• campfires...at camp, or with marshmallows, or watching silently with someone you love
• Big Chief tablets ~ remember those?
• nightswimming
• a full moon
• boat rides
• finding Venus, and sometimes even Mars, in the night sky
• liberty
• The Beatles White Album...It's poetry.
• bird songs
• polka dots
• United States military uniforms
• manicures
• green lights when I'm running late
• parent-teacher conferences and the interactions with "my" families
• warm cinnamon sugared pecans
• Christmas lights
• fresh-baked bread, still warm
• window seats on airplanes
• homemade potato soup with bacon and cheese
• Sudoku puzzles
• New York Times crosswords
• a view of Times Square from a 37th floor hotel room window
• the scent of plumerias
• homemade applesauce
• antique pillow linens
• strawberries with powdered sugar
• breaking the water with a dive
• long drives ~ just because
• cinnamon-scented candles
• scrambled eggs
• clementines in season
• eating with my Japanese chopsticks
• epic stories, whether in print or on screen
• Amish country stores
• the view of Manhattan from the Staten Island Ferry
• Battery Park
• Broadway plays
• treehouses
• the music of R.E.M.
• silver bangles on my wrists
• black leather high heeled boots
• red firetrucks
• black and white photography
• tire swings
• red plaid shirts
• dirt track racing
• Hot and Sour soup
• highway miles
• the scent of someone special
• dinner dates
• the secrets of Victoria's Secret
• John Hughes' films
• riding shotgun
• warm woolen mittens
• Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
• Super Bowl memories with the Troop F crew
• crabcakes
• ankle-strap espadrilles
• the first kiss...and the last