Daddy's Girl

It is Father's Day. I miss my dad.

Someday we'll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on

They never die, that's how you and I will be

~Billy Joel, Lullaby (Good Night My Angel)

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"In our endeavors to recall to memory something long forgotten, we often find ourselves upon the very verge of remembrance, without being able, in the end, to remember." ~Edgar Allen Poe, from Ligeia

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If you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
~ from "Remember", by Christina Rossetti

Sometimes, I think, imposed amnesia precedes forgiveness... leaving behind the remnants that possess the ability to encourage the smile. For years I've been missing my dad, long before he passed away. Today the ache is palpable. To love someone with all your heart and yet live a life separate from his, well, that seems to be a recurrent theme with me.

I do feel selfish thinking of myself so much today. I am trying hard to remember the happiness, too, and get past the self-pity. During the best of times my dad was intelligent, protective, loving, and so very entertaining. It was my mother who brought out the best in him. Of this, I have no doubt. I love you, Mom. You spent a lot of time being 'dad' too... I haven't forgotten and am grateful beyond measure. What I wonder, and hope, is that today my dad would be proud of me. I think I know the answer. I love you too, Dad.

The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.

~Frank Pittman, Man Enough

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

And thou shalt in thy daughter see,

This picture, once, resembled thee.

~Ambrose Philips

I will publish this momentarily and the stamp will indicate a morning timeframe. That is a lie. It is late now as I finish writing, and I have spent a lonely evening with my dad ~ at the cemetery...Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor