Moving On

The year is coming to a close.  I'm feeling a bit nostalgic.  These past twelve months have been quite a trek.  I have aged.  My firstborn left for college.  (Surely I have not yet lived long enough for this to have happened.  Seriously?)  Yet when I begin to feel a bit geriatric, I am (without exception) somehow recalled to today.  My middle child is a ten year-old in body, a fifteen year-old in spirit.  She does not allow me to rest my bones for long.  My poor mother.  With this child of mine, I am understanding what she endured throughout my own teen years.  And then there is my youngest who has not yet turned the ripe old age of five...  She will grace the doors of a kindergarten classroom this upcoming school year, and this transition will either aid in keeping me very young or help to accelerate the aging process.  I anticipate the former will ring true.  There is something to be said for attitude:  Despite the busy-ness of my life, I could not alter the actuality of turning 40...and I don't regret it.  I have embraced this new decade.  I am uncertain what I thought forty looked like once upon a time.  I do know, though, that today I am still smiling.  I have no gray hair (thank you, Gail), can still spend my days in a sweet pair of heels without killing my back, and am able to stay awake at night past 10:00 p.m. 

I have a few new wrinkles framing the eyes, but honestly, I could not care less (for now).  I've earned each and every one of them.  They serve as reminders of a life spent in action...and of lessons learned.  Some unknown person spoke wisely once and I was fortunate enough to capture the words. “One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”  Powerful words.  A worthy aspiration. 

A significant part of the past year's journey included the development of a close relationship with an oncologist/ hematologist.  Every 42 days I graced his office ~ lest he miss me otherwise.  (Insert smile here.)  With each appointment I sat in awe, looking around at fellow patients and silently, without fail, counted my blessings.  I was there wearing my own hair.  I was not waiting for infusions of chemotherapy.  I was not counting the days until my last. I was young at 39, then 40, and my presence in the waiting room seemed a curiosity to those around me.  The answers to my medical mysteries have come subtly although, to some degree, they still baffle Dr. K.  Regardless, my symptoms have lessened and I now gladly stock my medicine cabinet with supplements to keep them at bay.  More than anything, I have a new and profound appreciation for my health.  I no longer take it for granted.  Tomorrow I may again become suddenly ill, but for now, the doctor has decided he can wait until March to see me. Don't miss me too much, Dr. K.  I'll be back to say hello...and I'll be healthy.  I insist on it.

In that vein, I am determined to step up my exercise program.  I've neglected it a bit throughout the holidays.  Indulgence has a price.  I'm plotting my own revenge and have found some incredible inspiration.  I hope these new friends will inspire you as well. This first stop is one girl's testament to ingenuity.  I'm stealing her idea.  I am an admitted shoe addict and love love love Sherron's plan:  A new pair of shoes per each ten pounds lost.  Whether you adjust this per 2 or 5 or 20 pounds, just do it.  Buy the shoes...and wear the skinny jeans!

Next, meet Jen.  Her blog is a present I'm giving to myself.  Good health.  Encouragement.  Please visit her at Prior Fat Girl - Sugar Coating Not Included.  This is a treat you won't regret, and it is [virtually] calorie-free.

I also have some incredible plans for my heart health.  Not the physiological heart.  The sentimental one...the one that becomes easily bruised if you so allow.    Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ~Proverbs 4:23  It is possible to carry things...people...along with you for far too long.  I am accepting this unfortunate tendency in myself and decidedly moving forward. I am amazingly strong, even if I am fragile.  Letting go of the things you know (in exchange for the unknown) is the frightening part.  Living free, is not.  “Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that'?” The author of these words knows that of which I speak.  Ultimately, I'm coming to terms with acceptance of certain aspects of my life.  It is what it is.  “No one can change straw into gold. Some things are just straw, and some things are just gold, and sometimes you just have to know which is which.” ~Della in Straw into Gold from Tales of the Brothers Grimm and the Sisters Weird   ...And all the wishing in the world won't make a difference.  Yes, sometimes you just have to know which is which.  I'm holding out for the gold.

I commented recently to someone dear that no distance is too great for the love of a friend.  That sentiment has since been challenged but I do still believe it holds true.  Sometimes it's the shortest distance that is the most difficult to span.  Sometimes, the person who needs your friendship the most, quite simply, is you.  "Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you. It is not too late to find that person again.” ~Robert Brault    I am going to be good to me.  I am, I am.

To live in hearts we leave behind

Is not to die.

~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

So as 2011 nears, I am happily awaiting new opportunities and saying goodbye to much that needs to go.

Auld Lang Syne, my dear.  Auld Lang Syne.  ~S.

Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.” ~Karen Ravn